And, now it’s time for “I Hear You,” the show where Jack Worthing, that’s me, answers all your letters and questions about our life in beautiful Wellington Wells. And this one is from Richard Starkey of Biddlestone Road. “Dear Uncle Jack. Is it true there are blind, albino mole people living beneath our fair city? That’s what my friends say. I thought I saw one, too, but I wasn’t sure, as we’d all had a bit too much to drink, and my memory is of course a bit fuzzy.” Dear Richard: of course there aren’t “mole people.” This isn’t London. There are no ancient catacombs or old bomb shelters underneath our streets. And of course the Wellington Under is completely blocked up. And human beings have not suddenly grown claws to make their own tunnels through the dirt, thank goodness! Hah hah! What an imagination your friend has! Of course, there are the poor, benighted Wastrels in the Garden District, which is reason enough not to go there, if you needed a reason! (Not to mention the unexploded bombs, rusty scraps of metal, and holes that you can fall into.) And I don’t need to tell you how dangerous it is outside the walls. I wouldn’t even think about going there. But you can be perfectly sure that absolutely no one is moving around underneath the pavement! Glad that’s settled, Well, this one is from John Lydon of Benwell Road. “Dear Jack” — I guess he isn’t the sort of fellow to cry uncle, our Mr. Lydon! — “Dear Jack there’s a stranger in my house who looks just like my wife. And she says she’s my wife, too! What has been done with my real wife! Who did this to me! Your help is much appreciated in this matter.” Well, it looks like Mr. Lydon has been experiencing one of the odd side effects of Joy. It does happen from time to time. It’s called Capgras Delusion, and it’s not unheard of. Mr. Lydon, if you’re listening, go see a Doctor. They may be able to adjust your dose, or give you an analog. And if anyone who’s listening actually knows Mr. Lydon, or lives on Benwell Road, do inform a nearby Doctor that Mr. Lydon might need a visit. I’m sure everything will come out roses. And remember by the way, don’t hesitate to go see a Doctor if you need any medical attention. They’ll fix up that cut right away. And, they’ll always check your Joy level and make sure it’s where it should be! Good. This one is from Edwin Powell, of Hoylake. “Dear Mr. Worthing–” — Oh, Edwin, let’s be friends, shall we? I’m just going to edit this a bit– “Dear Uncle Jack, I was cleaning out my garage, and I came up with a big pile of newspapers from the war” Yes, I’m not going to read the rest of the letter, because I know exactly what you should do. What do you do with a bunch of old newspaper? Well, it is the perfect thing to use to light a fire in your fireplace! The older and dryer the paper, the better! I wouldn’t recommend using it to wrap fish, first of all because I haven’t seen a fish in years, and second because you’re not a fish shop, and third of all, the paper does get a bit crumbly and you don’t want that on your food. So just burn it all up on a cold night, and you’ll be glad you did. What a strange pack of letters we have today. I wonder if we ought to quit while we’re ahead. All right, we’ll give it one more go, shall we? Ah, it smells like roses! “Dear Uncle Jack.” Yes I forgot to mention who it’s from. This was a mistake. And it’s from Susan Janet Ballion of Chislehurst Vicarage. And she writes: “Dear Uncle Jack. I keep getting lost in my own neighborhood. I’ve lived there all my life, but lately, it seems like they’re moving the buildings around on me. It’s most disconcerting. I’m not old or anything, and I haven’t been hit on the head, at least not that I remember. They’re not actually moving the buildings … are they?” Dear Susie — may I call you Susie? I think it suits you. Dear Susie, I’m glad to say, you clearly are taking your Joy! Joy is what helps us forget the past and move on into the radiant future. Getting lost is just a mild side effect. Fortunately, there’s an easy solution. Carry a map! In fact, carry one in each pocket! That way, you don’t have to remember which pocket your map is in! You know, I’m so delighted when I can so easily help a listener! And here we are, yes… I’m afraid we’ve come to the end of our time. Tune in again tomorrow for more advice and news from our listeners and watchers! This is Jack Worthing, saying “Cheerio, and on with your day!” See you soon!