If you’ve ever thought, “I like Donald Trump
and his policies and his hair, but I really just wish
he could read,” well, then, Great Britain
has the leader for you. WOMAN: Breaking news
out of London this morning. There’s a new prime minister
for Britain. Boris Johnson will take over
from Theresa May. MAN:
Johnson is a divisive figure, seen by many
as Britain’s Donald Trump. Blond, brash, a populist, fond of anti-immigrant
rhetoric, who’s built a career
twisting the truth. I know some-somewhere
that it was already pointed out that “Deliver, unite and defeat”
was not the perfect acronym for an election campaign, since, unfortunately,
it spells “dud.” But they forgot the final “E,”
my friends. “E” for energize.
And I say to all the doubters, “Dude, we are going
to energize the country. We’re gonna get Brexit done!” “Dude! Dude! Where is my motor vehicle,
dude?” You know what I love
about Brexit, is how confident everyone is when
they come in to the job. Yeah? Like everyone before them hasn’t
failed at Brexit dismally. It’s already wiped out
two prime ministers. But the next guy’s like,
“All right, my turn. Let’s do it! Come on, Brexit!
Brexit!” Brexit is basically the
cinnamon challenge of politics. That’s what it is. Yeah. Everyone starts at like, “Hey, guys,
I’m gonna be doing the Brexit. It’s gonna be super…”
(imitates choking, coughing) (laughter) I mean, if I came into the job,
I would be a lot more humble. I would just be like,
“Uh, look, uh, we’ve seen “that Brexit is not
messing around, “uh, so here’s a shotgun. “If it’s looking really bad,
just finish me off. Thank you very much.” Moving on.
If you’re one of those people who spent last week saying,
“It’s so hot. I wish we could cool down
with some rain,” well, your wish was granted,
you son of a bitch. This deadly heat wave that
we’ve been having has broken, but now we’ve got the rain,
and you can see it. Of course,
the East Coast was hit hard by severe thunderstorms. WOMAN 2: Severe storms
creating travel nightmares in the region
throughout the night, bringing traffic
on one major highway to a complete stop
during the evening commute. New York City subway riders
inundated by unexpected
indoor waterfalls. One New Yorker bravely walking through flood waters
up to her thighs. At airports, delayed
and canceled flights piled up. Our own Craig Melvin
surrounded by frustrated flyers at New Jersey’s Newark Liberty
International Airport. That’s right. Yesterday,
New York City got floods from Brooklyn
all the way to Queens. Cars couldn’t drive, subways were filling up
with water, and most tragically,
Pizza Rat drowned. (laughter) Yeah, turns out
there was only room for his girlfriend
on that slice of pizza. He had to make a choice. And by the way, just so
we’re all on the same page, first we had the giant
heat wave, right? We got floods. Plus, there’s earthquakes
in California, and we’ve got a plague
of measles? Guys, I think God is trying
to send us a message. I, uh… I don’t quite remember
the Old Testament, but I think
he’s working up to something. Like, he’s either
gonna wipe us out, or he’s dropping a new album.
I don’t know how this works. All I’m saying is,
if you’re a firstborn son, you might want
to get your affairs in order. That’s all I’m saying. Oh, and by the way, by the way, this is a per-personal thing
for me. Like, I know that being stranded
in an airport is frustrating, but I’m always shocked
when I see people complaining to airport staff that a plane
can’t take off in a storm. You’ve always got those people
who are like, “Oh, I-I want to take off!” “Well, yeah, it’s a storm! But who you mad at?” “I don’t care.
I have somewhere to be.” “Is that somewhere heaven?
Then shut the (bleep) up!” (laughter) Stop being assholes!
There’s a storm! (cheers and applause) Like, you see these people
all the time in the thing. They’re just like, “Aah! I can’t
believe we’re not flying!” “Yeah, well, no one can believe
we’re not flying.” You know what?
There should be a special flight for all of those people
who complain, yeah. Everyone who wants to fly,
they should be like, “Oh, you want to fly? Okay, go.
Go and fly, go and fly. “Go and fly. See what happens. No, no, go and fly.
Go and fly.” Yeah,
that’s what every airport needs. (applause and cheering) Basically, every airport in America just needs
an African father, right? ‘Cause that’s what
African parents will do. They’ll threaten you with the
thing you’re complaining about. You’ll be like,
“Why aren’t we flying?!” They’ll be, “You want to fly?
You want? “Go and fly! Go and fly! “Go and fly.
See what happens to you. Go on and fly.
You’ll see what happens!” Then the plane crashes there. “Okay, who’s next?
Anybody next?” (laughter) Finally, if you’re a cat, you’re probably having
a great month of July. There’s a movie
coming out about you, and if you live in New York,
you get to keep your claws. New York State
now leading the way when it comes
to taking care of cats. It is the first in the country
to ban declawing the felines. Advocates in favor of the ban
say declawing causes not only severe pain but lasting
psychological damage for cats. Pet advocates say the practice that has gone on
for decades is cruel. The common reason
pet owners declaw their cats is to protect their furniture. That’s right.
New York has passed a law saying that you
cannot remove a cat’s claws. Which is great news, because
I always thought that declawing was a little weird,
especially since American laws still allow cats
to own assault rifles. -Like, I don’t get it.
-(laughter) But… but on a serious note, like,
I’ve always found it strange that people want to have animals but, then, also want to change
what makes them that animal. Some people are like,
“I want a cat, “but I don’t want my furniture to get scratched
or hair on my carpet.” Then you don’t want a cat,
you want a Roomba. -That’s what you want, okay?
-(laughter) Don’t get the cat
and then clip their nails out. It’s the same thing with people
who clip, like, a bird’s wings. “I want a bird
that doesn’t fly.” No, no. Or, like, people
who cut off a dog’s tail. It’s just, like,
what do you want? “Yeah, I like the wagging,
but it just distracts me from the dog’s butt.”
Like, what are you doing? Imagine if they did that to you.
That should be the law. They should say your animal
can do to you what… Like, if your dog just thought
you talked too much, and your dog was like, “Yeah,
we should get rid of the tongue. Yeah.”
So you’re like, “Mm!” It’s like,
“Yeah, that’s so much better.”

100 thoughts on “So Much News, So Little Time: U.K.’s New PM, Big Apple Floods & NY’s New Claw Law | The Daily Show”

  1. Imagine being such a braindead waste of oxygen that you actually allowed this corporate controlled brainwashing nonsense to form or influence your political opinions.

  2. I knew Bo Jo would end up PM of the UK, DUDE, lol !!! People who complain in airports are soooo funny, it's pretty sad. I wish they knew how they looked.

  3. Declawning banned and circumcision NOT…
    OK to protect the pussies.. as for new born baby boys…. just f…'m up for life, who cares..!
    Lol America, America…

  4. REPENT: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand! Keep the commandments of God (which include seventh day Sabbath, eating clean beasts, and observing the feasts of the LORD) and the testimony of Jesus Christ. Copy and paste so that the world will know the truth!?

  5. One apartment I really liked (perfect location, great amenities, affordable, etc) demanded I declaw my cat before I could move in. I found a different apartment.

  6. omg seriously declawing a fcking cat is legal in america ? you all are pussys , scared the little kitty scratches you ? fcking weak dumb americans

  7. Well, this time will go down in history as the twins' and Allies! Dangerous Twins! only n thing its proves Clowns don't only exist in America! Hitler had allies too!

  8. heat waves mean more water for denser clouds and when it rains, mother nature and physics go like: here's your water, sir. Hope you satisfied now.

  9. for all the pc people who cannot wait for a flight to take off during a storm, I have even a better story. A collegue of mine could not take the flight due the a storm and the air travel company told passenger to wait about 4 hours. My colleague called me and told me find a better flight because he could not wait 4 hours… My answer was: look, there is a big storm and I don't even have electricity right now because the winds broke some of the power lines. So you check that at the airport, maybe?

  10. 5:29 random fact: puppy mills have a practice to remove the tails of young corgis. Many are done without anethesia due to lack of money and equipment. Some say it is due to the lack of knowledge as they learn these skills(including the breeding skills) from the internet.a big portion of these corgis do die due to overbleeding and infection etc(can be prevented if these puppy mills have enough knowledge and better equipments)

  11. I wouldn't say that clipping a pet birds' wings is always cruel. Many small domestic birds (parakeets, love birds, cockatiels ect.) are more likely injure themselves or get loose without clipping. Just flying into a wall or mirror is enough to do serious damage at full flight strength, and getting out will certainly mean birdy demise. However, a partial clipped wing means that our bird friends can still flutter without being strong enough to hurt themselves. 🙂

  12. Sometimes, though, for say sheep, pigs, and certain dog breeds, the tail being removed is a medical necessity for the health of the animal. pugs, much more extensively, might require facial operations so they can *breathe*. I feel this is important to mention; Sometimes our biological engineering fucks up animals badly enough they need surgical assistance, and this is distinct from vanity shit like declawing.

  13. If animal owners really wanted a declawing now, they have to do it themselves or go elsewhere to get it done, which is more dangerous to the cat

    It really is starting to annoy me how the same people selectively use or ignore the "some people don't follow laws so why bother/why make it more dangerous for them" mentality.

  14. I always hated neutering of cats/dogs.. but i can kinda understand why we are doing it. But still… i always thought don't do things to animals that u wouldn't do to yourself.. i doubt any of us would like to get neutered.

  15. My sister doesn't allow her cat outside (nor is the cat interested in it either) , but it has its claws.

  16. And about declaw, many children (boys) in US is deforeskinned, that is have had circumcision against their will. That is also cruel and should also be banned (except for real medical issues, like for 0.1 % of the children).

  17. Re cats, you don't need to declaw. You just need to find something they want to claw more and keep it in good repair

  18. One thing to remember – declawing is not the same as clipping cat's claws. Clipping is fine, it's the same as cutting your own fingernails. Declawing on the other hand is literally pulling the entire claws out from the bone, so that they can never regrow again. Declawed cat is a permanent cripple, who will never climb again or even walk properly. People who do that to their cats should be imprisoned for animal cruelty.

  19. Great job NY? I wasn't expecting positive news ? can't take a scratch, play with them enough, don't annoy them or better don't get a cat

  20. Actually when it comes to docking a dogs tails and ears SOMETIMES it is for their benefit. My dog has both docked. Cause his breed runs incredibly fast with a lot of power for their 15 pound frames. They also LOVE to duck under objects as they run. If their tails hit the object or catch on a sharp part of a bush or something, it can damage the tail badly, or rip an ear off. So this isn't always the case but sometimes it is. As humans we get vaccines and remove our appendix for benefit as well. Having said this DECLAWING A CAT IS HORRIBLE! AND DOCKING A DOG FOR LOOKS IS ALSO JUST AWFUL!

  21. #BorisJohnsonisAburrosjohnson boris johnson does sound like burro's johnson if u don't know what a burro is its related to donkeys. They live in mexico and the southwest us. Let's get that hashtag started! ??????????????????

  22. Declawing a cat isn't ok, (I hope that declawing isn't surgically removing the cat's claw) but the sterilization and also the killing of stray animals is ok!
    Isn't this sick!

  23. As soon as I hear, "But they forgot the final E, my friends…." I knew it was going to be bad.

  24. In all seriousness though, cat claws grow from bone, so declawing means removing an entire finger joint. It can cause chronic pain as well as behavior problems such as biting and not using litter boxes. Many countries have already outlawed it, and the U.S. really already should have. Good job, NY

  25. I had a cat declawed. Not a big deal. Aren't there bigger problems than getting worked up over a non-problem?

  26. You have somewhere to be? Is it heaven?
    When I heard that I immediately pictured T'Challa saying that. IDK why.

  27. You can’t dare say anything about the British PM, they are so different, the never take themselves seriously.

  28. The Daily Show sucks!

    Americans are sick of The Anti-Trump Globalist-Owned-Corporate-Media producing Fake-News.

  29. I remember a acquaintance of my mom recommended to my granny that they should cut off our puppy's fangs so he can't bight, and died from it few days later… i really wish i could have the right to kill people to tries to "fashion" or fix their pets by cutting off the tails or ears and fangs… i also never knew declawing is a thing or exist tbh…

  30. There's 8 schools near a gun shop , 1 is mine and most are primary schools, but we don't have school shootings in South Africa, everywhere except schools in South Africa has shootings

  31. That picture of the "Assault rifle" you showed, that's an AR 15. AR 15s are not assault rifles. Assault rifles are illegal in the USA, however, they shouldn't be, because 99% of gun owners use guns safely and responsibly, and just because they're illegal, doesn't mean criminals won't get them. It's means ONLY criminals will get them. And BTW, that cat with the AR, the rear sight is missing. And AR stand for Armalite Rifle, not Assault rifle, or automatic rifle.

  32. Ah Trevor I knew there was a good reason to love you. I’ve always said to people who want to declaw their cats. You first!

  33. News Reporting has fallen into just blatant name calling………….
    Ill help correct them.
    Borris is not anti-immigrant
    Borris, like Trump, is anti-illegal immigrant.
    Get your facts straight……..

  34. So you say that declawing physically hurts the cats and so your going to ban it. Wish you felt the same way about ALL THE BABIES YOUR STATE ABORTS.

  35. Cropping and docking need to be illegal ASAP, as well. And, I know this one will be harder for people to accept, but the same is also true of spay and neuter, at least for dogs. You're removing perfectly good organs from your dog basically for the sake of political correctness and because you apparently don't know what a fence or a leash is. They need the sex hormones to develop properly and to live healthy lives, and they should only receive those procedures if it's medically necessary (i.e., something like pyo or cancer). Over the last 20 years or so studies have finally been conducted on the long term effects of spay and neuter, and the results aren't pretty. Significantly increased rates of cancer, organ failure/disorders, hip dysplasia, and obesity. Spayed/neutered dogs have a significantly shorter average lifespan than intact dogs, and we're talking in the 20-30% range.

    If a dog needs to be sterilized to prevent them from breeding, whether it's because they're a stray or because they're being kept with other dogs and the owner doesn't want any accidental puppies, tubectomies and vasectomies (what we use on humans who don't want to reproduce accidentally, but don't want to just rely on contraceptives) are easier procedures with less risk and a shorter recovery time.

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