MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP DID A BIG INTERVIEW IN “THE WALL STREET JOURNAL” LAST WEEK. AND LAST WEEK, FRIDAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. NOW THE JOURNAL PUBLISHED THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE INTERVIEW IN A RELATIVELY FLATTERING ARTICLE USING PHRASES LIKE MR. TRUMP HOPSCOTCHED ACROSS A VARIETY OF POLICY AND PERSONAL TOPICS.… Continue Reading Actual Trump Quotes Read By Cartoon Donald Trump

-President Trump was swept into office in part because of his supposed blue collar appeal. For example, he promised that America’s truckers would prosper under his administration. So how are they doing after three years under Trump? This is “The Check In.” [ Cheers and applause ] [ Bell dings… Continue Reading The Check In: Trump and Trucking

– Hello, and welcome back to I Learned a Thing. Well, it’s been one week since America confirmed its order of one express ticket to the apocalypse, please, and a lot has happened since then. Most concerning for the rest of the world, your neighbors in this planetary apartment complex,… Continue Reading Has Donald Trump Declared War on Science? // Megan MacKay

-The president and GOP leaders are insisting that Trump’s latest racist comments are not, in fact, racist, despite the fact that they are definitely super racist. [ Light laughter ] For more on this, it’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ] Trump has spent the week… Continue Reading Republicans Pretend They Haven’t Seen Trump’s Racist Tweets: A Closer Look

WHILE TRUMP WAITS FOR SOMEONE TO CONVERT THE MUELLER REPORT INTO A FINGER-PUPPET SHOW, HE’S KEEPING HIS THUMBS OCCUPIED, TWEETING ABOUT VERMONT SENATOR AND MAN ASKING WHAT PARTY PEOPLE SAY, BERNIE SANDERS. SANDERS DID A TOWN HALL ON MONDAY NIGHT ON FOX NEWS, WHICH LEFT TRUMP FEELING BERNED. “SO WEIRD… Continue Reading Donald Trump Calls Fox News ‘We’

WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GUYS– YOU GUYS CHECK OUT THE INTERNET LATELY. I SAW THIS YESTERDAY. THERE’S THIS GREAT STORY ABOUT A MOTH DRINKING SLEEPING BIRD’S TEARS.>>Jon: WOW!>>Stephen: WELL, THAT’S TONIGHT’S TOP STORY. ( LAUGHTER )… Continue Reading This Is Why Trump Doesn’t Do Solo Press Conferences

MY NEXT GUEST IS A “NEW YORK TIMES” BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND CO-HOST OF “THE VIEW.” PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE “LATE SHOW,” MEGHAN MCCAIN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )>>Stephen: WELCOME BACK! YOU ARE SO FUN. MY EXECUTIVE… Continue Reading Meghan McCain Didn’t Want Jared And Ivanka At Her Father’s Funeral

( LAUGHTER ) THE BIGGEST TV EVENT OF THE WEEKEND WAS ALL ABOUT THE BRUTAL STRUGGLE FOR POWER AND WARRING HOUSES. OF COURSE, I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT PETE BUTTIGIEG’S FOX NEWS TOWN HALL! ( APPLAUSE ) MAYOR PETE SAT DOWN WITH CHRIS WALLACE, WHO PRESSED HIM ON HOW HE’S GOING TO… Continue Reading Trump Lambasts Fox News For Hosting Pete Buttigieg

*Muffled laughter* *plate shatters* -*Chuckles* Well son, are you ready to open your present? Whoa! *Tears wrapping paper* -Wha…? -It’s your very own pony! Dad, you idiot! I WANTED AN XBOX! *Grumbles* Nuh uh uh! Not so fast, son. This isn’t JUST a pony, for within this pony is the… Continue Reading Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #1

>>Stephen: THIS WEEKEND, TRUMP ALSO WENT AFTER MSNBC HOST AND ORVILLE REDENBACHER’S DISAPPOINTED FATHER, DONNY DEUTSCH, TWEETING “LITTLE DONNY DEUTSCH, WHOSE SHOW, LIKE HIS PREVIOUS SHOEBIZ TRIES, IS A DISASTER –” SHOEBIZ? REALLY? I’VE HEARD IT’S HARD TO BREAK INTO… “SHOEBIZ.” ( LAUGHTER ) (AS OLD TIMEY PRODUCER) “I’M SORRY,… Continue Reading When Trump Doesn’t Like The News, He Interrupts It